Our Task

The title intrigued me . . . An Agnostic Talks to Her Children About God.  Nurit Deutsch shares her experience of doing just that in the New York Times. She admits there is confusion in her self-description as a “religious Jew, married to a rabbi and active in her congregation . . . a research psychologist of religion and an agnostic.” Her honesty throughout the article is refreshing. She is forced to wrestle with questions from her own children. “Mommy, where did God hatch from?” “I told [my friend] maybe she came from a monkey but I sure didn’t. Wasn’t I right, Mommy?” And the question that challenged her the most, “Mom, do you believe in God?” Depending on your perspective, you may see this mom as excellently equipped to speak to this issue as a researcher of religion or as woefully ill-prepared as an agnostic.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I am directed to be prepared to both respond to and initiate such conversations with my children. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7) It is our task to address the mundane, silly, serious, probing questions that our children will have concerning the great questions of our existence: Who is God and can I know Him?  How would you answer those questions and the ones with which this mom was confronted?

Ms. Deutsch closed her article with this comment from her daughter, “I would like to ask God if in the whole world there is someone who is only good?” As we celebrate this Christmas season, another Jewish mother comes to mind that gave birth to the answer to this young girl’s question. “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus. He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David. And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.” (Luke 1:30-33) There is One who is only good. Rejoice in His coming!

I Don’t Love ’em Anymore

“I don’t love them anymore.” Over my years ministering to families, I have heard those words come from husbands and wives as they have chosen to leave a marriage, often after many years together. Adultery? No. Physical or emotional abuse? No. “I just don’t love ‘em anymore.” A decision leads to a change of heart that fractures a family.

Love as a decision? Our culture struggles with that concept. Reducing love to an emotional or physical response is a common attribute in pop culture from music, movies, and literature. Some form of commitment may result from this euphoric feeling, but it is hardly a firm foundation for an enduring relationship. There is a principle in Scripture that addresses this decision/feeling challenge. “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” The key is what comes first.

“I don’t love ‘em anymore.” Why did the heart wander? Treasure. When one decides to treasure something, an amazing transformation occurs in their heart. The key to a commitment that will stand in the midst of trouble: treasure. I don’t believe that one can “fall out of love.” One stops seeing another as a treasure and the heart pursues another treasure. The secret to commitment is what you choose to treasure.

This principle extends well beyond a marriage. Forgiveness begins with a decision. My heart rarely ever wants to forgive. But without that decision, without that treasure, my heart will not let it go. How can you apply the treasure principle?

Dedicated to the one I treasure and love with all my heart. I love you, Karen!

Taste and See . . .

The annual Thanksgiving feast is over. A day of food, family, football, and fellowship makes its way into our memories. As our gathering matures, a new dynamic begins to stamp its impression on the annual event, grandchildren. The feast table presents a variety of tastes that only make their appearance during this annual event. The combination of toddlers and unique tastes create an assortment of facial expressions.

One cautious toddler desiring to snuggle with her grandma was offered some of the unique tastes from the table. The first offering produced a scowl that thankfully was not dispensed to grandma’s lap partially chewed. Bravely both grandma and toddler moved to the second offering. No smile, but no scowl. The final offering, Jell-O, and fruit salad brought a joyful giggle. The taste test process had paid off.

As a child of God, I find myself in a nearly perpetual taste test. So many options are placed on my table of life. At times, I cautiously approach the new tastes; sometimes I recklessly dive in to please my palate. The offerings on the table seem so appealing, their colors and aroma call to me. Despite the visual and fragrant attraction, my taste buds discover bitterness. In the midst of the bitter aftertaste, God brings to mind His offer to “taste and see that the Lord is good.” I begin to savor rich flavors that sweeten with each morsel.

Our middle school choir (Taste and See) led me to God’s bountiful table with this reminder of the contrast between the world’s offerings and God’s bounty:

Taste and see that His Word is true,
You’ve been hurt before but He won’t lie to you.
Taste and see never thirst again
Every broken heart Jesus Christ will mend.

(Taste and See by Israel & New Breed)

Of Planes, Plains and Patchworks.

Guest blogger - Karen, my incredible wife.

I remember the first time I flew in an airplane.  I looked down to see the plains and farmland of South Dakota unfold into a gorgeous patchwork quilt.  I was in awe!

That memory took on a whole new meaning for me this summer when I began studying Kay Arthur’s book Lord Only You Can Change Me.  I dug deeper into the Beatitudes than I ever had before.  The study spent a great deal of time on the quality of “Meekness”.  Meekness is defined as “the complete submission to the sovereign will of God.”

The view from the airplane was a perfect picture for me of the sovereignty of God!

The first thing I noticed  - THE PATTERN

• The flatlands of South Dakota make a pattern with mile by mile blocks.  The gravel roads form the straight stitching.
• Any quilt you see has a distinct pattern.  That’s what makes them so beautiful.

As finite human beings with limited understanding we cannot force God’s truth to fit into our pattern of thinking.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

And Romans 11:33-36 says “Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!  Who has known the mind of the Lord?  Or who has been his counselor?  Who has ever given to God, the God should repay him?  For from him and through him and to him are all things.  To him be the glory forever! Amen.”

*We may not understand everything we see going on our lives or in the world, but make no mistake about it – It’s God’s pattern!  And God is just!

Second – THE PERSPECTIVE

• Being in an airplane gives you quite a different perspective of the lay of the land.
• You can see how the pieces fit together

We are temporal, but God views things in light of eternity.  He Himself is eternal!  He sees the big picture!

Meditate on Ecclesiastes 7:13-14.  “Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked?  When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider:  God has made the one as well as the other.”

*It gives me great comfort to know that circumstances that I face in the present fit into the big plan God has for my life!  He certainly has a different perspective than I do!

Third – THE PLEASURE

• The view I had from the airplane was definitely pleasing.  I loved looking down and seeing the land that I called home and the land my family had owned for generations.
• Quilts in themselves bring great pleasure.  I have a quilt at home that was my great aunt’s.  When I look at the cloth used in the quilt, I see Aunt Lena’s dresses, aprons, and tablecloths.  Great memories and wonderful smells come back to me.  Brings me pleasure!

Likewise, God does as He pleases. Romans 8:28 reminds us “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  And if we submit to his sovereign will for our lives the result is pleasing – conformed to His image.  Our response should be “Lord, if it pleases You, it pleases me.”  Reflect on David’s response to God’s sovereignty in Psalm 131. “My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty;  I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.  But I have stilled and quieted my soul.”  Rest in Him!

God’s sovereignty is characterized by His pattern, His perspective, and His pleasure. They all point to His POWER!  I want to leave you with Isaiah 14 verses 24 and 27.  “The Lord Almighty has sworn, Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.  For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him?  His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?” 

WOW!  This was such an awesome study for me this summer.  Going through transition is hard for me.  Change and moving are not things that are easy for me.  I found delight and comfort knowing that my life is in God’s hands.  I can rest in his power and, like David, rest in His sovereign plan for my life.

Just yesterday in the car, I was listening to a Stephen Curtis Chapman CD.  A song came on with the lyrics, “God is God and I am not.  I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting. God is God and I am man, so I’ll never understand it all.  For only God is God.”

Gratitude: Don’t leave it at the Thanksgiving Table

I have a confession to make: I say “thank you” a lot! That may not seem like a shocking confession until you hear where and why I do it. Where: Chick-Fil-A; Why: I love to hear their associates say, “My pleasure.” It might meet some deep subconscious need left unfulfilled from my childhood. It may also stem from the astonishment when I first heard those words coming through the speakers in the drive-thru. I paused . . . smiled . . . and said, “Thank you.” “My pleasure” came the joyful reply. I was hooked and the addiction began to control me.

As we enter Thanksgiving week, we need to heed the advice on gratitude by Dr. Robert Emmons from the University of California-Davis that “the key is not to leave it on the Thanksgiving table.” According to researchers, students who feel and act grateful are less materialistic, get better grades, and complain of fewer headaches and stomach aches. Dr. Jeffrey Froh in the Journal of Happiness Studies (yes, that is an actual scientific journal) proclaims, “One of the best cures for materialism is to make someone grateful for what they have.” Do you want to help your child do better in school? Model a grateful heart before them each day! Melinda Beck highlights these findings and more in a Wall Street Journal article, Thank You. No, Thank you published on November 23, 2010.

“It is good to give thanks to the Lord, and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High. “ The scientists are discovering how God wired us to live; first, by being thankful to Him and then by showing appreciation for others.  The Apostle Paul’s letters often close with the acknowledgment of specific people with whom he had served.  I am thankful that God has allowed me to partner with the families, staff, and students of Penn Christian Academy to collectively praise His name in this atmosphere of academic excellence. I am truly blessed!

I am also grateful to my friend, Rick Martin, who planted the seed of these thoughts through his blog, Life Skills 4a Lifetime. Thanks, Rick, for encouraging me to deepen and expand my addiction.

Communicating with Kids Top 10

10.  Talk together every day.

9.    Be a good listener.

8.    Ask yourself, “What is my child feeling that she is not saying?”

7.    Don’t start the conversation with a challenge or criticism.

6.    Learn the meaning of teenage slang. Find out what your child is really saying.

5.    Ask questions that cannot be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.”

4.    Offer praise and extend help.

3.    If you sense there is a problem at school, do not wait until the teacher calls you. Call and find out what the teacher is observing at school. (This not direct communication with your child, but it will help you ask better questions.)

2.    Pray together each day. It may be in the car as you drop them off for school or in bed as they go to sleep. Take a moment to talk to God together!

And the top communicating with kids tip is . . .

1.    Every positive experience in communication lays the foundation for the “tougher” and deeper conversations to come.  Most of these conversations will not occur on your schedule. My teenage sons usually drop the “test” question sometime after 10:30 at night. (FYI, the “test” question is their probe to see if we are really listening.)

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Mark Twain

Greatest Generation

Sunday is Veteran’s Day, a day of reflection on the sacrifice of men and women who have served faithfully to defend our Republic. November 11^th is also my Dad’s half birthday! Working with children, I know the importance of a half birthday. At age 90, my Dad has certainly earned the privilege of enjoying recognition of his half birthday again. His life demonstrated the truth of Deuteronomy 6:7 that the lasting lessons of life are not taught in a classroom.

Things I Learned from (and with) my Dad!

On May 11, 2012, my Dad, Harold Dale Barlow, celebrated his 90th birthday! I have always said that you are not old until you are older than my Dad, so there are many in my life who should be thankful for that perspective in my life! Since Dad could not choose the day of his birth, he had no influence on that perspective! However, his example directly influenced my perspective in countless ways.

Here are just a few of the ways Dad gave me perspective: 

Get There Early

During my late teen years, my summer job was in the automotive parts warehouse where my Dad served as the Customer Service Manager. We would leave the house early so that we would arrive at least 30 minutes before our starting time. A few extra minutes of sleep are very important to a teenager, so I asked Dad why he arrived so early to work. He told me that at 8 o’clock the phone will start ringing and “I can get more done in that half hour than I will the rest of the day.”

People Over Things

One summer, my time at the auto parts warehouse was spent traveling around Missouri to local auto parts businesses that were served by the warehouse where Dad worked. When I introduced myself to one owner, he asked me if I was related to Harold. When he discovered that I was his son, he told me this story: “On several occasions, I would be so angry when I called the warehouse that I was committed to never doing business with them again. Your dad would take my call, LISTEN to the problem, ask me about how my FAMILY was doing, and SOLVE the problem. By the time I was done with the call, I couldn’t remember why I was mad in the first place.”

Honor Commitments

On May 17, 2012, my Dad and Mom celebrated 65 years of marriage! There is no such thing as “easy” marriage. His commitment to and honor of my Mom in the midst of the challenges of life are legacies that I will treasure on my 65th wedding anniversary. 

Have Keen Vision

As a young teen, Dad and I were hunting rabbits on my cousin’s farm in southern Missouri. Dad walking with me as I was carrying the Stevens .410 that he was given when he was a teenager. Near a pond, we stirred a rabbit up and, of course, I missed the shot. The rabbit hopped around the pond into some cattails. Dad asked me if I could see it. I couldn’t! He tried to “walk” my eyes onto the rabbit with no success. He asked for the shotgun, and then proceeded to shoot the rabbit in cattails, across a pond, with a .410! I didn’t see the rabbit until I retrieved it. I am only now free to tell this story because the Statute of Limitations has run out on this event for poaching. Dad was not carrying a hunting license!

Have Alternate Routes

On the way home from the warehouse, I was never sure which way Dad would go home. The route to work was usually the same, but the way home was always in question. It might be the interstate, through midtown, or Swope Park. The adventure intrigued and inspired me. I still like to find alternate routes to the places I visit: each path has unique scenery and beauty upon which my ADD mind thrives. Actually, I think my dad had a more pragmatic reason for his alternate routes. He faithfully listened to the traffic reports from John Wagner, SkySpy!

Some Things are Worth a Little “Panic”

A cane fishing pole with a large bluegill at the end of the string flailing around a small boat guided by an excited young fisherman is certainly reason for panic! Dad was already well aware the dangers of the sharp spines on the fish’s dorsal fin waiting to find their mark in his hand, arm or face through the guidance of his over-stimulated son. It is a memory that makes me smile, however, I am not sure Dad would share my same perspective!

The Bible commands us to honor our father! Thank you, Dad, for making that command an easy one to follow. Your legacy runs through my mind and heart each day. My respect and love for you are beyond any words I could use. I am thankful to my Heavenly Father that I can call the man, Harold Dale Barlow, my Dad!