Dad's Impact

A parent once asked me what my parents did to instill a heart for God in my life. It was a question that caused me to consider if I could identify specific things they did. Of course, it is the Spirit of God through the Word of God that brings real change in the heart of man. Yet, the Holy Spirit uses men and circumstances to impact the lives of others. My dad made an impact in my life.

My dad is a quiet man who led by example more than by word. His resume would not be filled with amazing accomplishments that would cause others to stop and take notice. However, he had a deep commitment to his family, faithfully took his family to church and served the same company for more than 40 years.

I am the youngest of four. As the baby, I was spoiled (just ask my brother!). My parents were older when I came along: they were tired. This combination can spell trouble, and I grew into a mouthy, stubborn teenager. This is where dad’s impact made a difference.

My dad’s example stands out to me in two key ways: his work and his time. My dad did not work long hours, but his time was well spent. He would arrive to work thirty minutes early because he “could accomplish more in those quiet moments than during the rest of the day.” His customers have told me on several occasions that they would call my dad to unleash their anger about a problem and before they were off the phone, they had forgotten why they were mad and my dad had begun to resolve the problem. My dad’s quiet yet determined character saved business for the company and left a lasting impact with me.

During those teen years, when I was far from lovable my dad created shared experiences that kept me on his team. My memory is full of camping, fishing, and hunting expeditions. I do not remember what was said, but I was with my dad. He will turn 91 in May and his impact is seared into my memory.

I am a dad to two young men. I have pursued education, studied psychology and tried to understand what will impact my boys and students. And yet, my dad, without formal training, did what the experts say is critical; by his example, he instilled in me a desire to follow and love his God. Thank you, Dad!

To read more about what my dad taught me: http://www.principalthoughts.net/2012/11/greatest-generation.html.

Dear Mom

Guest blogger - With my son's permission, I am posting the letter that he sent to his mom on her birthday. 

Dear Mom,

It is a real bummer that I couldn't come home this weekend to see you for your birthday.  I actually tried to find a ride home, but I didn't know of anyone going up that way this weekend.  So anyway, happy birthday from Blacksburg!  As I look back on what I know of your 47 years on this planet, I specifically think about the last 20 and the impact that I have had on you and more importantly, the impact that you have had on me.  Just this past week, some of my friends in the dorm were discussing parenting styles (standard college kid conversation?).  We were talking about what we would do the same as our parents or what we would do differently when we have kids (again, normal 19/20 year old conversation, right?).  One of my friends was saying how his parents were stricter than he thought they should have been, and another was saying how he doesn't even like talking to his parents anymore.  As I thought about what I thought about my parents and their job at parenting, I actually became a little scared.  I realized that there was not much about your parenting that I would do differently if I was in your position.  Unfortunately, while I would seek to emulate your actions to a large degree, I was very unsure in my ability to do that. Parenting is one of the most important jobs that anyone can ever have and its impact cannot be overstated.  I see the trend of parenting in today’s culture and I thank you for having the strength to see God’s plan for your family and not following the easy or temporary ways of this world.  I pray that God will give me the strength to do likewise should I be blessed with children and I hope that He will my eyes open to his plan for me and my children so that they can work toward the fulfillment of God’s kingdom on earth just as you have taught me to do.

Proverbs 22:6 says “Train a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  I am pretty sure this is one of Dad’s favorite verses and it should be as it is a charge for all parents.  God gave you the gift of teaching.  He has used that gift to bless hundreds of children over the span of decades.  I thank God for that gift in my mother.  Corey and I have been greatly blessed through it.  That gift has allowed you to follow the charge of that verse in a seemingly effortless manner (don’t misconstrue that as me thinking that parenting is in any way effortless, as I am aware enough to know that is not the case).  I am not sure what that verse means by “old,” but if 20 counts, then I will say that you could not have done a much better job.  I know that I have a long way to go in my walk with the Lord, but I look forward to you continuing to be with me on the journey of life as I continue to seek God’s will in my life and see Him work with me and through me.

I thank God that today is your birthday, for it is a reminder that I have had you in my life for another year.  A year filled with challenges and struggles, a year that you might like to forget or wish had never happened. However, I see it as a blessing since each day that I can continue to discover the plans that God has for our lives, both separately and together, through my eyes that your teaching has helped to open.  Many children have not been blessed with 20 years with such a loving mother, and I am grateful for each and every one of them, even if they have not been easy.  As I transition to a different period of my life where our lives will not be as intertwined, I thank you for the wisdom you have given to me that allows me to see the evil of this world and choose to be in the world but not of it.  I often fail at this, but I know that the Godly wisdom that you have imparted to me gives me the greatest chance I could ever ask for to resist the temptation.

As I was having the conversation about parenting with my friends and knowing that your birthday was just a few days away, I began thinking (in between trying to explain that I want to be like my parents and that I enjoy talking to them) about the ways that you have blessed me and taught me through your example and actions.  First, your faithfulness.  You have been faithful to your family through some difficult circumstances.  In the face of injustice and a trend of straying away from Christ, you have consistently stayed faithful to Christ and to your family by continuing to provide for them when many others would have given up.  Second, your Godly wisdom.  Dad is one of the luckiest men on earth to have a wife whose world is as God-centered as yours.  I hope that I can find a woman who possesses the same zeal and wisdom that you do.  For if I can find that, I know that I will be blessed beyond measure.  Third, your strictness.  This one might seem strange, but in the eyes of society, you might be considered a strict parent.  Perhaps I was not always a fan of this blessing, as I did not see it as a blessing at the time.  Since I have been in college, I have realized that your strictness was one of the greatest blessings that you have given to me.  It taught me right from wrong, taught me that limits exist, a reality our post-modern society wrongly believes that it can ignore. 

As you quickly approach the reality of the “empty nest,” do not think that your role in my and Corey’s life will in anyway be diminished.  It is true that the role will change form, but its importance will only grow.  As you grow older, your wisdom only increases, and with that, so does my need to partake of that knowledge.  Perhaps that is my selfish desire to avoid the mistakes that you made or avoid the mistakes you avoided, but regardless, it is a need that will never end.  As I begin to create an independent life, I ask that you intensify your prayers for me.  They are always much needed and always the most important thing that you can give to me. 

I will also continue to pray for you.  I know that you wish many things were different, but I assure you that God still has a plan for the many years left of your life just as he had a plan for the first 47. I know that as you grow older, birthdays become more of a dreaded occurrence, but I hope that you will not see it that way.  See it as a time to reflect on all of the blessings God has given to you and to look forward to the adventure to come.  I know that it will not be predictable, it will not be easy, it will not always be fun, but it will always be a valuable blessing to the thousands of people you have impacted in 47 years, and the thousands to come. I am honored to be among that count.

Your Loving Son

I will also continue to pray for you.  I know that you wish many things were different, but I assure you that God still has a plan for the many years left of your life just as he had a plan for the first 47. I know that as you grow older, birthdays become more of a dreaded occurrence, but I hope that you will not see it that way.  See it as a time to reflect on all of the blessings God has given to you and to look forward to the adventure to come.  I know that it will not be predictable, it will not be easy, it will not always be fun, but it will always be a valuable blessing to the thousands of people you have impacted in 47 years, and the thousands to come. I am honored to be among that count.

O Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

During a conference with the parents of a seventh grade boy several years ago, we were discussing some attitude and behavioral issues that were causing disruptions at school. Having observed this type of attitude before, I asked if their son had watched any violent movies recently. The mom and dad exchanged a nervous glance, then the mom explained that dad had begun to allow their son to watch some of dad’s favorite “R-rated” action movies. The dad readily agreed while expressing that he did not see any issues with his choices. I asked the dad to consider the differences between himself and his son; he needed to watch those movies through the eyes of his son. His 12 year-old’s eyes and brain did not filter the images and stories in the same way.

The conference ended congenially, however dad insisted that “bonding” that occurred outweighed any negative consequences of their joint viewing habits. Several months later, I began to observe improvement in this young man’s behavior. I called dad to report the progress. What he told me surprised and encouraged me; “I was upset with you after our conference until I watched the next movie with my son. I finally watched the images through my son’s eyes and what I saw shocked me. We have found other ways to bond.”

One of our greatest tasks as a parent is to teach our children how to filter the images and information that are abundant in our community. Romans 16:19 states, “I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.” This presents a great challenge for us in our society. Consider the following tools to assist you in being that filter for your child:

• Be Their Filter – We cannot shield our children from evil even if they have no contact with media so it is essential to listen to them and talk through their experiences. 
• Movie Reviews – I have used Pluggedin (www.pluggedin.com). This site provides review of movies, TV, and music from a Christian perspective. I use it before I go to a movie myself! 
• Internet Filter – Most studies indicate that over 90% of middle school students have observed pornography online. There a several excellent filter systems for your home internet at reasonable costs. The best filter is keeping computers in a public place.